Vive la révolution!

Or not

There's a few things I'd like to say about Russell Brands Newsnight interview.

1) Jeremy Paxman was not beaten, knocked out or thrashed. The point of Jeremy Paxman is to play devils advocate and make his interviewees prove their policies or point of view. Jeremy Paxman is not Michael Parkinson, he's not there to have a nice chat with famous people. His job is to push them until he gets the answers he wants, even if he actually agrees with their point of view. That's what he did here and he succeeded in getting a very passionate and eloquent Brand talking about his views.

It's win/win.

2) Unfortunately, Russell brand doesn't take things from a historical perspective and is passionate, but not particularly informed.

What is a Love Story?

Ask a selection of people to name some of the best romances or love stories of all time and you will likely hear some of the following among their answers. Wuthering Heights, Romeo and Juliet, and Gone with the Wind.

I'm sorry, but by what definition are any of these stories romantic?

Now, I do understand the power of a brooding hero, as well as the appeal of all consuming love/lust/infatuation/obsession, but these stories all clearly show the destructive nature of these emotions and in no way glorify the relationships.

Which is why I simply don’t understand why so many people classify them as love stories. What's more, I don’t believe that the authors ever intended for these to be love stories or romance stories.

Let’s start with the worst of that bunch, Wuthering Heights.

Has there ever been a less appealing collection of characters in a novel? I don’t think so.

Yes, Cathy loves Heathcliff and vice versa, but she rejects him because he isn’t rich enough. From that point on, it is a battle of wills to see who can destroy the other first, and not just between Kathy and Heathcliff, everyone around them gets caught in the crossfire too (or indeed, does their fair share of bad deeds). The pain and misery these two inflict on each other and everyone around them is positively loathsome.

Wuthering Heights is a lesson in the destructive nature of obsessive love and it far more resembles a hate story than a love story.

Romeo and Juliet.

Now this is about two children who are so totally infatuated with each other, that they end up dying for that love.

WTF! Leaving aside issues of them being children, they are willing to die for their love; they both commit suicide when they believe the other has died.

I don’t know about y’all, but I want the people that I love to go on without me, not to kill themselves if I died.

Besides Romeo and Juliet don’t love each other, they are infatuated with each other. They don’t even know each other a week when they die and it takes time to get to know someone. Once you’ve lived with their leaving the toilet seat up constantly, farting in bed and not killed them for saying “you know?” constantly, then you can claim to be in love. If he or she is just “the dreamiest person ever” then that’s inflation, or perhaps lust, but not love.

Look at those pictures below. Do you honestly think a love story staring those kids (middle and left) would be an epic romance? Because they're both 13 years old, the age of Romeo and Juliet.

Now, some people argue that Romeo is older than Juliet, since his age is never specifically stated. Many seem to think he is at least 20. Does a 20 year old wooing a 13 year old seem any better, or worse? 

All in all, Romeo and Juliet seems to be a story about infantile infatuation in stupid young people, or a predatory older man. Not exactly something to aspire to.

Gone with the Wind.

Is that what love looks like?

Don’t get me wrong, I love this story and watch the film about every 5 years or so but I still don't believe it's a love story.

Rhett loves Scarlet (and I believe he loves her warts and all, proper love, if you will) but she loves Ashley, who doesn’t love her.

Yes, Rhett and Scarlet get married and yes they have a child, but there is no love in that marriage, it’s a power game between them (slightly more so on Scarlet’s side than Rhett’s).

Then consider that the only time they have sex, Rhett rapes Scarlet. Apparently she sees nothing wrong with that and wakes the next morning smiling and happy (and preggers) warming to the idea of Rhett as her husband (yeah, as you can guess, I love that plot twist. NOT).

Meanwhile Rhett (I think, appalled by his actions) finally begins to distance himself from her.

Obviously, neither of them can be honest and after their daughter dies, they end up truly hating each other and doing their best to hurt the other.

To me, an integral part of love is respect and honour.

As I said, I believe Rhett truly loves Scarlet (despite being an arse and raping her) because when Ashley’s wife dies, he leaves so that she can have Ashley. He does what he thinks will make her happy, not himself. She realises too late that that she does want Rhett but she’s already done so much against him that he can’t believe her.

Still however, by marrying a woman who doesn’t love him, he isn’t respecting himself. He deserves better and because he doesn’t have a woman who loves him, they both end up hurting each other.

Gone with the Wind is an engaging, epic story, a wonderful snapshot of a period of American history, and a character study in how unrequited love affects different people.

But it is aanother hate story, not a love story.

Perhaps someone who likes these stories as romances can enlighten me, because even as a child and teenager, I never found anything romantic in these relationships. What is the draw of these tales? Star crossed lovers? Brooding hero's? 

*The images of both 13 year old children and the 20 year old man, were taken from news stories. 

Literary Snobs

Today, a Mr Michael Deacon (no, I hadn't heard of him before either) pens a heartfelt satire of Dan Brown's work, pointing out all the flaws in his writing.

I can't help wondering how much of his life Mr Deacon wasted penning that useless, uninformative, unimaginative bit of tripe. The whole thing smacks of jealousy.

"How dare Dan Brown, a multi-million selling author, not live up to my expectations of literary brilliance, while I, who does live up to my own exacting literary standards, am still struggling to break through! It isn't fair, goddammit!"

He'd have been better to spend those few hours trying to come up with an engaging plot and interesting characters for his own novel, rather than tearing down someone who has succeeded, in an attempt to make himself fell better about his own lack of success.

What Michael Deacon doesn't seem to realise, is that most readers simply want an enjoyable story, not a literary tome that is so brilliant, that one has to keep a dictionary handy and then decipher the hidden meaning behind each scene.

I suspect what Mr Deacon forgot is that his "article" (and  use speech marks for article, as it doesn't live up to any definition of journalism that I know of) isn't just insulting Dan Brown, but is also maligning every single person who has read and enjoyed one of his book. 80 million people read the Da Vinci Code; what astonishing arrogance it takes, to believe that you know better than 80,000,000 other people.

Someone needs to tell these literary aficionados that rather than coming across as a wise, educated and intelligent people, they sound more like elitist twits, who are completely out of touch with the majority of readers out there.

Dan Brown tells a good story. Michael Deacon does not.


P.S. If you have time, pop over to the Wall Street Journal, and read how one literary snob rediscvered his love of all fiction, and realised how much he'd been missing out on.

Has the world gone mad?

I tried to sign up for Barns and Noble today and had a rather confusing experience.

This is what their terms and conditions say: 

"If you wish to wish to publish and distribute your eBooks through NOOK Press, you must sign up for a Vendor Account, which will require you to provide us the following information: (i) for tax reporting purposes, your home address and, if you are located in the United States your federal tax identification number (or social security number if you are an individual), or if you are located outside of the United States, similar identifying information issued by the applicable governmental authority; and (ii) for the purpose of transmitting payments to you, your bank account number and routing information if you are located in the United States, or your SWIFT or International Bank Account Number (IBAN) if you are located outside the United States."

Sounds like they accept international authors, no? Except that once I had completed my account information, I got an email asking me to call them and verify the account. I called and was told that they cannot accept authors who are not US residents. 

I checked the terms and conditions again and called back, only to be told to instant message business services. I did, only to be told the same thing. Then I received an email to confirm that they cannot accept international authors.

However, NO ONE CAN ANSWER WHY THEIR TERMS AND CONDITIONS SAY THEY DO ACCEPT INTERNATIONAL AUTHORS, WHEN THEY DON'T!!!

"On Thursday, the company reported a stunning 26 percent drop in Nook sales during the last quarter of 2012. The Nook, said CEO William Lynch, was no longer able to compete with full-featured tablets like the iPad." Source

I know self publishing authors from all around the globe who are doing very well with Amazon kindle, and I alone have had 3 best sellers on Amazon. If you want to be some special snowflake of a company, who just can't accept international clients, then no wonder you are failing. You deserve to fail, and Amazon (despite my many problems with them of late) deserve to beat you.

My dealings with amazon go from bad to worse.

So near to paying some of my debts off,
yet still so very far.

After the whole cyberstalking incident, comes them withholding 11,000 dollars of my money. This is the email I have sent to Amazon's CEO, as their KDP customer services department don't even seem to be able to use common sense.

The images in this post weren't sent with the email below, although I was tempted.


Dear Mr Bezos,

I apologise for contacting you in this way but I hope that you can help me, as KDP customer services seem incapable of applying logic to my situation.

At the end of March I changed my payment details for royalties from EFT into a US account, to EFT into a UK account. 

When payments for April started going into my old account, I contacted Amazon to ask why, and was informed that the old method of payment would continue to be used for another 60 days. That was no problem, I just hadn't realised it took 60 days for changed to take effect.

In total, Amazon made 5 payments into my old bank account but notably, the payment for royalties accrued in the USA was missing. On the 1st of May I emailed customer services to ask where they payment was, as it hadn't gone into my account, nor had a received a remittance email for my USA royalties. The payment should have been for over $11,000 dollars, so I hope that you can understand my worry when this payment didn't come.

Literary fiction and Snobbery

I live in a city with a rich history of literature, indeed we have been named the UNESCO City of Literature. One thing that I notice however, is that despite being a writer, I don’t often feel welcome at writing events here.

My books are not literary, they never will be but that doesn’t mean that they are inherently without merit.

Reading anything, even rubbish, engages the whole brain, lowers Alzheimer causing protein, reduces stress and heart disease and may even improve empathy between cultures. Studies prove that reading tricks your brain into believing that you are engaged in the activities in your book, while watching TV, listening to music or playing video games are passive activities, which don’t stimulate the whole brain.

Books also increase happiness and stave off feelings of loneliness.

Marketing Tips for Indie Writers

Since marketing and sales tips are what I get asked for most frequently, here is my advice. 

As mentioned in my unrealistic expectations post, none of this will turn your book into an "overnight success" but if used wisely, it will help you build sales over time.

These are generally ranked in order of importance, most to least.

First of all, your Amazon (or other sales) page is essentially one big advert, so make it the best it can be. Have a quality product so that the look inside feature doesn't turn potential readers off (hire an editor or proofreader if you need to). Be certain that the cover is the best it can be since this is what will tempt most readers to click on your page in th first place. Work and re-work your blurb until it is short, professional, interesting and most importantly, will make potential readers want to know more. And please do your best to make sure there are no errors on your page and in the blurb; we're only human but it can turn readers off.

Secondly, write another good book. The more books you have out there, the more chance you have of someone discovering one of your books and if they like it, they might well check out your other books too. Associated sales can make up a large chunk of your income.

Third, promotion never stops. I have reached the point where I make bestseller lists (and fingers crossed that it continues) but I still tweet excepts of good reviews, link to them on facebook, join relevant groups on FB, post promo tweets under the existing book hashtags (such as #SampleSunday and #WeekendReads). I post chapter one of a new book to my blog as a sample, with links to buy at the end. My website has a mailing list option so readers can sigh up for updates. 

I did used to make good use of the free option on the KDP Select program (and probably will in the future too). By that I mean that you need to promote that it's free. Contact kindle freebie blogs, twitter freebie accounts (a common tag is #freeebooks), post it to facebook voucher/coupon groups, general freebie/coupon/voucher websites. The more free downloads you get, the better the word of mouth will be and the more reviews and word of mouth sales you might get. 

I think it was freebies that got me the readership that I needed to make it to the best seller lists

Next, contact forums, blogs and groups in your genre and ask them to mention or review your book. 

DON'T SPAM! To be sure that you aren't considered spam, contact the admins and ask if you can post a promotion for your book, or ask them to consider posting a link to your book. If there is no admin, post and ask other members if it's allowed. I sent a private message to one FB group owner who had a historical western group and asked "would you consider" my book (but I didn't say in what capacity she should consider it). She came back and said they didn't do reviews any more but would post a link for me, for which I thanked her. 

Don't become a pest! The golden rules for promotion are-
1) Ask (unless its twitter or your own FB page)
2) Post 1 maybe 2 links or posts 
3) Then leave it be. If you make a nuisance of yourself you will turn potential readers off.

These next tips are the ones i believe are least effective, as least for me.

If you have any contacts in the local press, ask them if they can run a story on you, or get their book reviewer to read your stuff. If you have an interesting or unique story, contact local papers (or even national newspapers if your story is interesting enough) the worst they can say is no.

Enroll some paperback copies (if you have them) into BookCrossing or similar and "set them free". 

If you do have paperbacks, contact local shops that specialize in your genre, or small independent book shops, and ask if you can do a reading for them, or even if they will consider stocking your book. if it's only on Kindle, have some posters or leaflets printed and ask if you can leave them in the shops. 

Marketing opportunities are endless but they are also time consuming, so direct your efforts to where you believe they will bring you the most return. 

Things that will NOT work
1) Publishing your book and not promoting it
2) Press releases. Just don't waste your time
3) Paid for advertising, online or in print
4) Blogs. I don't know that my blog posts here has got me a single sale. My chapter excerpts have (I can see by the link stats) and some readers like the additional info on my books that I post here, although by then they have generally bought and read the book. In my humble opinion, general blog posts just don't give you the necessary return for the effort required. 
5) Blog tours. As above, they just dont give the returns you need for the effort (and cost) you put in.
6) Book trailers. 

And finally a bone of contention, reviews.

Many people will tell you that you need good reviews to succeed. I disagree. Reviews might help some readers decide but my last 3 books reached the top 10, without a single review on their pages for up to 2 weeks. For some of my books, I've been unlucky enough to have a 1 star as my first review, yet sales didn't die off (although they may have dipped for a time). 

The truth is, most people aren't used to having ample access to book reviews, they're used to walking into a book shop, browsing and then buying the books with the blurbs that most appealed to them. Amazon and book review sites have been around for perhaps 15 years and popular for perhaps 10 years, but the majority of readers have been uing book shops for decades longer than that. Over time it may change and people might put more stock in reviews but for the moment, no or negative reviews haven't affected my sales. 

The next point is your books rating. Mine go between 3 and 4.8 stars on Amazon and honestly, the 3 star books sell better than the 4+ star books and the 4+ star books are usually my earlier works, which I know aren't as good as my newer, lower rated books. My best rated book with 4.8 stars is hands down my worst seller. I get maybe 4 sales a month on that one, maximum, despite it only having 4 and 5 star reviews. 

What have I learned from this? That not all 5 star reads are good quality and that not everyone wants a quality read; many readers out there just want a little escapist entertainment. 

Thats the reason why so many big budget films follow a formula, why formulaic TV shows are consistently watched and why (in the UK) our soap operas are consistently in out top 10 programs. People want to watch something they're comfortable with, or that they know has a happy ending, or that wont require taking notes to keep track, nor move so slowly that they are inclined to nod off. 

People want to be entertained but not necessarily (or certainly not always) made to think or concentrate too hard.  Tell a good story and some people will like your book. 

Some people will hate it too. Have you loved every film or TV show that you've ever watched and every book that you've ever read? Even if you love police procedurals, that doesn't mean that you will automatically love or like every police procedural? Does that mean that the ones you don't like are inherently bad, or just that they aren't to your personal taste? 

Sadly your book wont be to everyone's taste and some of those people will slate it in reviews. I once heard of a reader however, who bought a book based only on a one star review. Among other things, the reviewer gave it one star because didn't like all the sex in the book, but the reader thought that lots of sex sounded just up her alley. 

So even negative reviews can help your book sales and I think that most people know that on sites like Amazon and Goodreads, reviews are just opinions and opinions are like arseholes; everybody has one and some of them stink.

So that's my advice on how to make sales but a final word of caution. Use your time judiciously. 

You can literally spend weeks marketing your book but on the whole, that time is often better spent writing a new book. The more books you have, the greater chance you have of one of your books appealing to a potential reader. If they like one book, a lot of readers will look through your other books. 

So always consider the time requirements of a marketing attempt before you embark on it. Visiting book shops for example, is very time consuming and not likley to give a big (if any) pay off.

Unrealistic Expectations and a Voice of Reason

I never fail to be amazed by the numbers of people who have completely unrealistic expectations when they self-publish a book. 

You know of all those "overnight successes" you've read about? Chances are they put 10 or more years of hard graft into their writing careers BEFORE they became an "overnight success". 

I like to think of it like this. No matter your age, if you changed careers, say from I.T. to insurance underwriting, would you honestly expect to become CEO or COO overnight? Or even just a Director or department head? Hell NO! You would expect to put in years of service, take professional exams where necessary, work hard, do well and slowly get promoted through the ranks. 

Why when it comes to being an author, does this common sense go out of the window? 

Then again, starting a new business is probably more like self publishing than being employed, so say you start a clothes designing business. Would you honestly expect to rival Gucci, Prada, or even Primark, overnight? NO! No matter how talented a dress designer you are, you would expect to build your business and your brand slowly, proving your talent, growing your customer base and maybe one day, you will be a respected brand in the fashion industry. 

You might consider coming up with a business plan and even researching your new business. 

So why does everyone expect to write one book and with little time, research or marketing efforts, become an overnight success? 

Staying Positive

I imagine he has a sort of Muttley-esk laugh

Well, after the negativity of the spiteful Jenny M that I posted about yesterday (the troll who is going to, how did she put it, make me “the worst rated author on Amazon”) and the unfairness of Amazon in being totally blind to the issue, I decided to see if her campaign was effective. 

The answer is a resounding "No"! 

Despite her vindictive reviews, getting most of my good reviews removed, upvoting my bad reviews and downvoting my good ones, I'm still 7 in the Regency Romance chart! And with only a 2.2/5 rating! 

Even Duchess, which was released back in January, is still 85 in the regency chart.

I should have learned my lesson from Psycho-Ex, when no officials were the slightest bit interested in actually helping me stop his stalking. People in power just don't care about the little guy but so what? I literally had to leave my life behind and start again so if I can survive that, I can survive a jealous teenagers tantrums.

I think I just forgot to count my blessings for a day. It's hard to be unhappy when you're feeling grateful for what you have. 

The best thing is, my "success" is still so new, that I still feel like I want to burst out laughing at random moments, as the dog above seems to be doing! 

Whoever said success is the best revenge was 100%  right! 

I'm now looking forward to the spa break I'll be taking my family on soon, to say 'thanks for helping me while I was a struggling writer'.

And to God/destiny/fate/higher power/luck or whatever else is up there and may be looking our for me, thank you. 

How Amazon is enabling cyber stalking.

NOTE: Please do not engage this person in any way; do not respond to her reviews, do not leave her a 1 star review. I attracted this stalkers ire by defending another author, and I would hate for my friends to receive the same treatment. This is up to Amazon and the police to handle so for your own sakes, please DO NOT ENGAGE! 

At the beginning of March, there was an author on the kindle boards acting like a troll. they went by the username 'Gabe'. This troll swore at a friend of mine and demanded proof of her success, which I took issue with. I agreed with her statement, posted a link to my books as my proof and told him I would report any new 1 star reviews. Sure enough, one appeared about an hour later from a Jenny M. I didn't bother to report it as I honestly didn't affect my average, plus I had no proof that Jenny M and Gabe were the same person, so I let it slide. I did however, take a screencap of that whole thread, just in case.

How to Defeat a Dragon

Do you know Smaug the dragon's one weakness? Well, his other weakness then? It's reviews.

Smaug absolutely loathes reviews, hates them with a fiery passion (especially positive ones). So much so, they make him bang his head against walls and tear his armoured scales off!

What's the up shot of this? If you want to help Thorin, Bilbo and company defeat Smaug the dragon, please leave me a review!

Okay, so I may have a slight case of Hobbit fever. Sue me! ;)

If the rest of this post doesn't interest you, please skip to the gratuitous Hobbit pic spam below.

Seriously though, reviews are one of a writers best selling tools, but the biggest and best site for reviews (Amazon) appears to have put a rather overzealous commuter program to use, trying to weed out untrue reviews. A few examples are the ones authors (such as John Locke) pay to be written, those left by friends, family and (as hit the newspapers headlines his year) author sock-puppet accounts. Quite how this program works, no one knows because Amazon won't tell. I can't even begin to fathom how you can tell which reviews were paid for and which weren't. From what I can gather though, reviews from people who live in the same genera zipcode/postcode area as the author, seem to be classified as friends of the author and bahleted with prejudice.

Last year it was a new computer, this year... living expences!

Dear Saladin Ahmed,

I'm sorry that you have mental health issues. I'm sorry that you suffer from "anxiety…and depression…and chronic fatigue…and vicious insomnia".

I'm sorry that your songwriter/research psychologist wife is having trouble supporting your family, with seemingly very little no help from you, because of your mental health issues.

I'm sorry that your books are so popular that you have been invited to be on a convention panel, and that someone there will be cosplaying one of your characters; it sucks that you cant afford to go. I suppose we could say that you are a victim of your own success.

Or perhaps we should wise up and realise that, you simply have a victim mentality.

I'm not usually in the habit of playing "mine's bigger than yours" but the following is fact.

1) I have never suffered chronic fatigue, but I have suffered with, depression and continue to suffer with anxiety and insomnia. I have also tried to commit suicide in the past. Not my finest moment, I'll admit.

2) I was (and still am) an alcoholic, albeit a sober one for the past 7 years.

3) I'm dyslexic. Yeah, I know, a dyslexic writer.  Writing is so not a career I was ever encouraged to enter into in any way shape or form, so maybe there's a little bit of a masochist in me too.

4) I suffer from PTSD after being stalked, (which as you can imagine, does wonders for my anxiety).

5) I walked out of my life, left everything I owned behind except 2 suitcases and a car when  was 30. I had less then £100 in my pocket. Sometimes over the last 5 years I have literally had £20 a week to buy all groceries, feed myself and my dogs with. Credit cards and loans weren't an option, because I had no credit history, because I couldn't give my old address in case my ex found me.

I admit, sometimes I have borrowed money from my family, but only when I have had no alternative, and never more than a few hundred, because I know that anything more than that, I probably wouldn't be able to pay back. I finally got out of my sisters debt just a few weeks ago. (thanks Sis, you are the best!)

But if the help of a few supportive readers/friends can make a trip possible, it seems silly to let pride keep me from asking."

That's not pride, dear boy, that's your self respect, screaming at you to be a grown up and sort your life out! Taking charity doesn't help.

 

You have been a finalist for the John W. Campbell Awards and the Nebula Award. Your stories have been published in places such as Strange Horizons, Orson Scott Card's InterGalactic Medicine Show, Clockwork Phoenix 2, and Beneath Ceaseless Skies. Your novel trilogy is being published DAW Books. 

YOU have the life and the success that thousands of struggling authors dream of, and yet all you can do is sit there with your begging bowl out and proclaim "woe is me". You have no idea how lucky you are because you are so short sighted that you can't see everything that you have been blessed with. 

But, yes, woe is you... for being such a spineless sack of dog poo! 

There's nothing wrong with you that a little backbone wouldn't sort. Or hell, here's an original idea, GET A FRIGGING DAY JOB!!! Believe me, most authors don't live of their spouses, nor do they go begging to the public to make up the shortfall. Most actually have 2 jobs, the one that pays the bills, and the writing they do out of hours (which is more of a compulsion than a job)!

You might be surprised by the amount of self respect paying your own way gives you, not to mention the total exhaustion is either very helpful in overcoming the insomnia, or if not, you just have more of lovely time to write!

Those who did donate to you probably think that they were being kind, but the reality is that the loving thing to do is not always the nice or the kind thing to do. They are simply enabling you to remain a victim and refuse to take responsibility for your life and your choices. The first step on your road to recovery is to put the begging bowl away (this isn't the first time you have done this) and take some responsibility for yourself, your life and your problems. 

Yours Sincerely

Cat Winchester

Who despite the many problems she has, or has had in life, actually considers herself blessed and is proud of the life that she is still rebuilding. 

If after reading what a horrid life I have had and how I have suffered for my art, my choice in boyfriends, my addiction, and my generally being a bit of a sap for the first 28 years of my life, kindly send a donation to one of my preferred charities.

Canine Partners, who help people with disabilities to enjoy greater independence and a better quality of life, by providing specially trained assistance dogs.

Edinburgh Cat & Dog Home who rescue stray and abandoned animals. They are solely dependent on public donations to survive.

The Feminist Tightrope

Natural large breasts

We feminists all walk a tightrope between our feminism and our desires.

Damn it, I want to be pretty, even while knowing that the image of beauty that we are presented with applies only to 5% of the population, and I shall NEVER achieve it! Beauty is something that we have been taught to want however, rather that comes naturally to everyone, and as I come to terms with this fact, there are times that I am willing to bite the bullet and go against the herd mentality.

I have big breasts and bra's hurt me, so on Sunday I finally made the decision that it didn't matter if my breasts weren't perky and perfect, I wasn't going to keep strapping a bra on and off just to walk the dogs, so that I can fool the world into believing that my bosoms are perfect and perky. They are my breasts, their look and appearance was decided by my DNA, and there is nothing wrong with them, damn it, except that they don't live up to this foolish 21st century ideal.

Real vs Photoshopped Maria.

And let's face it, many of the perfect breasts that we are supposed to live up to aren't even real, having been enhanced by either surgery or photoshop! These are the breasts I was born with, and damn it, big (natural) boobs tend to sag! 

Two days later I see a female friend (who shall remain nameless) tweeting about how, thanks to the warm weather, there were so many awful, bra-less women about with, well I'll let you read it

My god you see some sights in [redacted]! Bra-less boobs hanging round the waist! #notagoodlook

Needless to say my new found feeling of freedom disappeared, and I simply feel self-conscious and awkward again. Now I am back to hiding under a bulky coat (despite the temperature), rather that strapping the painful, perky-breast-maker back on again.

We are our own worse enemies, and that is an important realisation to come by. Just because we are women, doesn't mean that we haven't been indoctrinated by the patriarchal society that we live in. At least once we understand that, we can begin to start making informed decisions about what rules we want to follow, and why we want to follow them.

Which is more frightening, the ever increasing hair or bust?

In a few weeks I will probably manage to once again convince myself that there is nothing wrong with my perfectly natural breasts, but I cant help but wonder how long it will be until another "harmless" (and thoughtless) remark sends me running back for the bulky coat/camouflage.

While we're on this subject, Can I just ask why there are no posts about men and their exposed moobs, beer bellies and white chicken legs? Personally I don't find those things attractive but then again, I accept that men not only can be more than just a physical presence (attractive or otherwise) but that they should be more than that, as well rounded human beings. I expect them to have goals and aspirations that have nothing to do with looking good so that they might be appreciated by the opposite sex. As such, it doesn't really bother me if men are imperfect.

I apply that same standard to women. I wish more of us did.

Past Due, Chapter One

Bertena Varney, sociology professor and author of Lure of the Vampire: A Pop Culture Reference Book, recently reviewed Past Due for The Examiner and awarded it 5 stars. Read her review here.

Right now, it's time for another #SampleSunday. I hope you enjoy this excerpt of Past Due.

Book Blurb: Francis 'Frankie' Wright thought she was an old hat at dealing with the supernatural, until she was reassigned to Edinburgh, the most haunted city in the world.

Her latest case soon takes a deadly turn. Young women are being slain in satanic rituals and it's up to Frankie to find the murderer before he kills again.

Frankie must juggle vampires, shapeshifters, witches and zombies, all the while trying to keep the truth from her sceptical ex-boyfriend, Will Campbell, who just happens to be heading up the police investigation.

The clock is ticking and she soon finds herself forced to team up with the vampires and shapeshifters in order to stop the killer before he can literally unleash hell on earth.

Chapter One

Francis Wright took one last look over her shoulder to be sure no one was watching, then deftly picked the door lock. Thirty seconds later she closed the door behind her, safe inside the apartment. It wasn’t that she was a master lock picker that gave her such speed, merely the right equipment.

Should she be caught carrying a locksmiths tools without a locksmiths licence there would be awkward questions, but Frankie was certain she’d never face any consequences.

She felt along the wall until she found the light switch, and then headed deeper into the apartment. The fact she’d had to come at night made stealth both harder, in that she needed to use lights at all, and easier in that there were fewer people around to see. She’d long ago learnt that using a home’s own lights drew a lot less attention than a flickering torchlight.

The body had been moved but it was easy to see where it had lain, just inside the doorway to the living room. There were no helpful chalk outlines but the large pool of blood suggested that whoever had fallen there, had not walked away under their own steam.

She sighed and pushed a gloved hand through her dark hair.

“Sometimes I hate this job,” she muttered. She knelt down beside the largest blood stain and pulled one of her leather gloves off. She rested her palm gently against the carpet and closed her eyes. Images of the horrific death flashed through her mind and she gritted her teeth. The poor girl had died painfully, but at least it was quick. A small mercy.

She opened her eyes and removed her hand, swallowing down the residual pain and fear she was left with.

“Sometimes I really hate this job.” She stood up, whirling around as someone coughed behind her.

Where does a writers responsibility begin and end?

Following my post on Fifty Shades of Grey, and the white hot rage it and it's message inspired within me, not to mention arguments such as racefail (which still has cause to rear it's ugly head from time to time) and this recent article in the Guardian, I've been thinking a lot recently about a writers responsibilities.

There isn't a lot of fiction out there that elevates any minority to positions of equality. Those that do exist are most often found within the realm of science fiction and fantasy, though there are equally as many fantastic universes created which still seek to oppress minorities, seeming to long for the good old days, when women were little more than princess in ivory towers and slavery was normal.

Any media can be a force for change, putting forward points of view that make us stop and questions ourselves and our preconceptions. Star Trek having a black woman on the bridge, for example, was unthinkable in the 60's. Of course the majority of telephone operators in a telephone exchange were women, so perhaps making her the communications officer was not that ground breaking after all. It made a bold leap, no doubt, but was that leap bold enough? Why couldn't Spock, the second in command, have been a woman, or heaven forbid, even the captain! Even just making a woman the navigation officer would have been better, and at least then the Enterprise would stop and ask for directions when needed!

The Trouble With Twilight?

I've heard a lot of people groan and complain about the feminist aspects of the Twilight Saga but honestly, the first time I read them I was too caught up in the plot to pay much attention to the sexism. After the furore surrounding 50 Shades of Grey, a story inspired by Twilight by Stephanie Meyer, I decided to go back and read the Twilight Saga to see what exactly inspired a story about a sado-masochistic relationship. It didn't sound anything like the Twilight I remembered.

I'm only going to comment on this from a feminists perspective, I'll leave the quality of the writing and the Mary-Sue aspects to people more qualified to comment.

So, let me start by saying that as a feminist, on the whole, the books don't offend me or my feminist ideals, though there are a few gripes.

I'll start with the biggest, Bella going to pieces when Edward leaves her in New Moon. I'm not saying women don't go to pieces, I have a friend whose sister, a high-powered executive, was hospitalised for depression when her husband left her. So it does happen, some people do fall apart when they're left. In this book, even Edward is portrayed as being a broken man after leaving Bella, so I cant even argue that this is a sexist representation of women.

The Fascination of Magic (and other things that go bump in the night)

Voldemort and Harry

I've been reading some blogs and articles recently, about why we enjoy magic.

I like stories about magic. And horror stories, urban fantasy, speculative fiction, paranormal romance, the occult, fantastika etc. et al, ad infinitum.

The big question is, why?

No one else in my family shared this fascination, nor my desire to spend my free time immersed in vampires, ghosts and magic. Nor did any of my childhood friends. I was reading Dean Koontz then, my peers had never heard of him. Nor my English teacher, who declared horror books to be "pap" and so I wasn't allowed to do a book report on Hideaway. My interest has never been encouraged in the slightest, yet it continued to grow and prosper within me.

Why? I think the main reason is because the stories are just that, stories.

An American Werewolf in London

When I was 6 or 7 saw my first horror film, American Werewolf in London, which i think is rated 15 (possibly 18). Without parental permission, I must add. My sister (who is 5 years older) had nightmares; I slept like a baby.

I believe that a part of me has always known that those kinds of stories aren't real, and so I can simply enjoy the story without worring about a spell being cast on me, or a gremlin climbing in through my window at night (though that would be very cool) or Freddie Kruger hiding under my bed. Indeed, my favourite insomnia company is a horror film, because they keep you entertained, usually without requiring much effort on the viewers part.

I was also exposed to a lot of true crime movies in my childhood as my mother was a fan (still is). Now some of those films, even the PG rates ones, they terrified me.

The daughter in Small Sacrifices

There are some scenes that are seared into my brain to this day. A murdered wife being wrapped in carpet and dumped by the side of a road. The scene in Fatal Vision, where Gary Cole's* movements around his house could be tracked, long before the days of DNA, because his family all had different blood types. The Deliberate Stranger looking for victims at a lake and at the end of the day, a group of friends, frantically calling the name of their missing friend. A woman being stabbed in broad daylight, and no one lifting a finger to help her. Farrah Fawcett's** little girl, finally admitting the truth to herself by writing down the name of her attacker. (She was mute. And the attacker was her Mom).

My sister still claims that she cannot throw a pair of curtains open thanks to American Werewolf; she has to pull back one curtain, then the other, whereas I can't even remember that scene.

Damon Slavatore trying to escape an animal trap

Just today I saw Damon Salvatore trying to rip his hand out of an animal trap and it didn't bother me in the slightest. 127 hours though? I'm afraid to watch it because I know that suffering was real, and that someone actually endured what I'm seeing.

I think that real life is hard enough. I don't want to spend my leisure time immersed in real suffering and unimaginable cruelty that will haunt me. I'll stick to pretend bogeymen, thank you, because deep down, they don't frighten me at all.

So are you a fan of the fantastic? If so, what draw does it hold for you.


* I would like to add that Gary Cole was the actor playing the murderer and did not actually kill his own family
** Same for Farrah Fawcett, she played the murderous mom.